When I was younger.

2010-04-07T21:20:00.000-07:00

I will be the first to admit my mistakes. The constant alcohol abuse and the irrelevant drug taking to increase my confidence or sexual activity. I won't claim maturity since but this time, I regret my decisions.

However inconclusive my life is, its mine and I disrupt the effort of ex-friends to destroy my present, future and release my future. I scorn you with secrets we once giggled about and longed to scream to the skies.

I now hinder the consequences of drugs and alcohol, in which are not health related.

Just another part of the black lung process.

2009-12-13T18:41:00.000-08:00

"as i rolled my cigarettes
into pipe dreams;
i watched strands of pube
like tobacco falter
and stream downward
to sink into the carpet
with the other shit
that's always left behind."

[28-10-2009]
Heather Harvey.

Officially quit smoking on Saturday [12-12-09]. The need to smack my fist into walls has failed to proceed so far, for which I am the least bit grateful. I don't "long" for a dose of nicotine; I guess it's almost like the loss of someone close. I confided in these sticks; ever since I remember, from first peer pressure puff to lasting addiction I've decided to snuff.

The longest friend in a metaphorical sense. Some people would argue that friends would not burden yourself with bad health; yet some arguments are a circular battle and see no end when two beings are as stubborn as the stem of weeds.

I never drink alone; my friends always hinder my hip bones whilst we play Russian roulette with our health. We ignite the kingdom of fantasy; we elope as individual but somehow along the line, our hands are always conjoined.

As friends we sign agreements not to sue when we die. When Harry died of a heart failure, his woe's deemed more demanding than his highs in this life or when Carmen caught herself on a highway to hell, driving in control of a high speed car. Well, we all know she ended in bits and bruised bones.

We endanger our health with soul consent. But as friends we do this, as a Mother now; I refuse to envelope this fetus like peanut into my world with unwritten consent.

Humanity; prequel to Pariah.

When I was younger.

Just another part of the black lung process.